I’d like to take just a minute to step up on my soap box and discuss something from behind the scenes. Every wedding usually has at least one person who thinks they run the show. They think the bride should stand one foot to the right when she lights the unity candle, the groomsmen need to be angled to the left, the flowers are too big, the ring bearer must practice his part a fifth time, and on and on the list could go. Sometimes this person is the mother of the groom, sometimes it’s your second cousin, and sometimes it’s your friend’s mom. For the purpose of this soapbox speech, I’ll call this person Good Intentions. Although he or she means well, there is always the potential for hurt feelings and damaged relationships if their “suggestions” are not observed as commands. Obviously, there is balance here. You want to have your relationship with Good Intentions intact at the end of the day, but you don’t want them ruining your wedding. Being a wedding consultant, I’m prone to defend the bride and groom and their wedding, whatever it takes. That’s my job. However, experience has taught me that relationships are more important having things done a certain way. I may not ever have to see Good Intentions again, but the bride and groom will more than likely have to deal with them on a regular basis. So how do you handle someone like Good Intentions? Can you make everybody happy and still have the wedding of your dreams? Well, actually, you can! With a little tact and creativity, I’ve found that it is possible to the have most amazing wedding and still keep your relationships healthy.  There are times when Good Intentions has crossed the line and something must be said. In these circumstances, a special job for Good Intentions or a reminder that the bride and/or groom specifically requested it be done this way is sometimes all it takes to save the day. Be creative. Remember, if Good Intentions has something to do, he or she is less likely to give orders to everyone else.

There are many stories I could tell, but one in particular comes to mind. I like to call this story CPR for the bride. A family friend was almost literally smothering the bride. This dear lady was trying to show her love and care, but the translation of that love turned out to be a series of loud questions, suggestions, and opinions directed at the bride while she was trying to get into her dress. It was hard for anyone to get a word in edge-wise. The mother of the bride wanted to enjoy this special moment with her daughter, but felt like she had an obligation to allow her friend to speak. If something wasn’t done, we would have had an unconscious bride, an irate mother, and a somewhat confused friend. (This is when a wedding planner is invaluable.) The family friend was asked to do a special task: guard the bride’s door to prevent unexpected visitors, including the groom. She was delighted. It gave the bride and her mom room to breathe again and also made their family friend feel important. The crisis was averted without damaging any relationships.

So, when your wedding day comes, don’t be surprised if Good Intentions is at your side to “help.” You probably already know who the culprit will be. Think ahead and be prepared to provide a creative solution. And just a quick note to those who fit the description of Good Intentions, please take a step back and remember that it is the bride’s day, not yours.